The sexual habits of the nation – particularly women – are altering. I read with interest the results of the third National Sex Survey (NATSAL) last week.
It seems that more women (from a sample – pretty good by any standard – of 15,000 people) are having same-sex sexual encounters. The figures the survey extracted say that t 16% of women are having sexual 'experience(s)' with other women, up from 4% in 1990, while 8% were going for the home run, up from 1.8%. Well, although I am good friends with one or two lesbians who might like to take personal credit for this, what I wonder is whether we might actually be looking at an altogether different prospect: alien infiltration. This is a simple statistical matter. I would like to bring the reader’s attention to two apparently coincidental happenings that concern a corner of the Pennines that is close to my heart.
It seems that more women (from a sample – pretty good by any standard – of 15,000 people) are having same-sex sexual encounters. The figures the survey extracted say that t 16% of women are having sexual 'experience(s)' with other women, up from 4% in 1990, while 8% were going for the home run, up from 1.8%. Well, although I am good friends with one or two lesbians who might like to take personal credit for this, what I wonder is whether we might actually be looking at an altogether different prospect: alien infiltration. This is a simple statistical matter. I would like to bring the reader’s attention to two apparently coincidental happenings that concern a corner of the Pennines that is close to my heart.
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| The mothership and a witness |
"An analysis of 10,278 UFO sightings between 1947 and 2001 shows, that, as a ratio of population against sightings numbers, sightings are 12 times more frequent within the sparsely populated region that the national average...73 per cent of all alien contact reported within the Pennines occurred within 10 miles of Todmorden."
"Hebden Bridge has the highest number of lesbians per head in the UK."
And I might add that the ‘Hebden Bridge effect’ has spread into Todmorden with a high occupancy of lesbians in that town too. I have often wondered whether these two ‘facts’ might be linked. Is there a correlation? Might those two Pennine towns actually be a distribution centre for aliens who are ‘passing’ in the human population? My own belief is that members of the early lesbian enclave that developed there from the 1960s might have been picked up (let’s not mince our words: abducted) by aliens who have steadily replicated what they considered to be an average example of the population and are therefore planting more of their kind into their Pennine hub, allowing them to diffuse into the wider populace.
This might not be a bad news story. Let’s look at it another way and assume innocence until proved otherwise: these aliens, perfectly replicated, have no ill intent towards us. Lesbians have historically been committed to public services, and (historically) without family commitments have contributed longer working lives. Nursing, police work, social work, care work, community work, sports: who doesn’t have a stereotype of a lesbian in these professions? Although it’s hard to get the stats, in my legal career and among personal acquaintances I can testify to a higher proportion of lesbians per capita in these roles than in society at large. Tony agrees. So, more lesbians might well mean a fairer, leaner, fitter, more giving, society. Bring on the alien takeover!
